New blog!

Hello there, anonymous blog reader.  This blog seems to have served its purpose, that being to promote and discuss my short film "Podunk" from last year.  Well, that's been over for a long, looong time.  So I moved here:

www.andrewfelicilda.blogspot.com

For those of you who don't do well with change, don't panic!  I've kept virtually everything about the blog the same, except I've changed the title of the blog itself so I can talk about any thing I want, rather than one old project.

See you there!

Andrew.

Blood and Money and the need to get to work.

Today I finally finished Thomas Thompson's epic true crime novel 'Blood and Money'.  And indeed, it was epic.  Chronicling a series of murders in Texas in the late 60's through the early 70's, it mythologizes available information leading up to the events and well into what became their settled conclusion.  As each character is introduced we see their stories through the lens of a sort of tragic fatalism, certain to fall on one side or the other of the brutality that took both the opulent socialites and the seedy and unscrupulous bottom-feeders and cast them all into a wasteland of lies and self-servitude.  What's amazing to me is that Thomas Thompson only barely suggests each individual's implications through his approach a slight-of-hand that at least gives the illusion of objectivity.  The story does indeed end, though it is left largely up to the reader to draw conclusions from the information provided about whom to exonerate and whom to convict.

I discovered this book after reading Roger Ebert's review of David Fincher's 'Zodiac' earlier this summer, in which the former said that both 'Blood' and 'Zodiac' understood how to create tension through character and patiently peeling back the layers of the case and ensuing investigation.  I'm glad I read Thompson's book, though I'll probably benefit most from the first half in which we see the tapestry of the lush world in which the original victim's inhabit rather than the latter in which the trial laboriously dissects the details and those suspected of involvement in the murders.

I love when I read a good book.  I don't like when I read a book that seems like it needs more work.  It frustrates me, and it feels jarring, and in a possibly neurotic way I feel it pollutes my creative thoughts about my own work for at least a short time.  I always feel like I have to do a sort of detox after this kind of negative experience, and I have to watch a movie or read a book I already know is good just to reset things.  It's weird, I know.  Creating ideas, worlds, characters, etc. through writing, for me, is a fragile process, and experiencing projects that suck can sometimes disrupt that process.  These days I no longer seem to read for enjoyment but rather to learn something specific pertaining to a story on which I'm currently working.  'Blood' had much to offer me in terms of narrative structure and how to create tragic irony through distancing from the character, and I needed no detox after reading it.

Then, on a roll and reading-rush from finishing the book at long last, I dove head first into 'The Man From Beijing'.  Granted, I'm only about 35 pages into this book, but still I have to say I'm not entirely excited about this story.  Having read earlier this year what to me feels like a modern crime classic in 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo', Henning Mankil's novel seems already as though it would have benefited from the less-is-more mentality, beginning with (and this is not spoiling anything the back cover won't tell you) no less than nineteen murders.  It seems determined to hammer home the disturbing nature of the crime but it feels a bit ham-handed, and the characters feel just a bit too quickly sketched and a little...familiar...?

I'll finish it, though, if nothing else because I'm weird and think that if I start a book and don't finish it I'm a failure.  What I really, really, REALLY need to do, though, is finish my own damn outlines for my own damn work.  'Polemic' has a solid outline that I'm satisfied with.  I'm still trying to suture together some details in the middle, but I think the overall architecture works fairly well.  But 'Raccoon City', the bane of my existence, still eludes me on what works best.  As Kristen would say, analysis paralysis.  The story is there, I just have to tell it already.

The end of August will be here before we know it...

Obsession is good.

In the past month I've taken full advantage of the time I've afforded myself in my drastic life changes.  I've read and reread Syd Field's "Screenplay".  I've read and dissected Cormac McCarthy's novel "No Country For Old Men", and Thomas Thompson's "Blood and Money".  On at least one occasion I've done several critical examinations of the following films: "Chinatown", "The Ghost Writer", "The Social Network", "Zodiac", "All The President's Men", "Minority Report", "The Departed", and "Collateral".  I want to be one of the best American screenwriters, and I've been tending to my craft.  By critical I mean that as I watch the film I examine, often times typing out a word document as I watch, to keep track of items such as inciting and key incidents, plot points, narrative arcs, subtexts and how/when they are discussed or integrated, historical context of the film and cultural milieus from which they arose, blocking, cinematography (camera movement, mise-en-scéne), editing, lighting, color schemes, and sound.  Basically, everything.

I've been keeping myself on a steady diet of daily reading and writing of varying intervals.  I'm currently working on two stories, one a feature length script entitled "Raccoon City" and the other a novel, tentatively titled "Polemic", though there is a slightly more incendiary title floating around that a few have heard me mention.  They will be done by the end of August, I promise you that, and I promise myself.

There has to be nothing else but this in order to be the best, and that's what I want to be.  I don't care if I go broke and have to work at a gas station because it's all that's available to support myself, I'm too close now, nothing is going to stop me.  I will have this.

Trilogy Syndrome.

Not terribly important, but the official trailer for "The Dark Knight Rises" went online today and I have to s say, sadly, that the buzz around this film has proven very underwhelming.  Maybe they should have stopped at two.  But I'm sure it will make at least sixteen trillion dollars, so maybe it's not all bad...

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Tonight Nina and I had a productive meeting over some all-you-can-eat tacos (always a catalyst for intellectual pursuits).  I somewhat begrudgingly decided upon my script rather than my novel for her to project manage as we both agreed since it's the more violent of the two it's probably also the more badass.  Although, I've been making a lot of headway on that story lately and I doubt I'll give up on it entirely to focus on my script.  I've set a concrete goal of completing a project (now we know it's the script and not the novel) by the end of August.  So, by August 31st, 2011 I will have a script completed, polished, and ready to move forward with.  Hopefully a novel too.

It seems as though it will take the majority of my time for the remainder of summer.  By the end of the week my application will be in the mail and/or submitted online as appropriate so all I need to do is send out prompts for letters of recommendation and then await my graduate school fate.

Our meeting tonight was fantastic in that it offered that much coveted though always elusive external perspective that you just can't get when you're only one human being.  I realized how unimaginably tedious I had made all the elements that as of yet didn't connect, and had neglected to address the most critical aspects of the story, such as: What are the characters overarching motivations?  What do they want?  What is the overarching theme?  What is the ending (the most important aspect of the story to know before you begin writing!)?  What is at stake?!  (I'm sorry Syd Field, I've failed you.)

Somehow I had, or thought I had, an inciting incident, and yet it didn't connect with any particular event and so incited... nothing.  My next assignment is to fix that.  Honestly, somehow I thought I had all of these major elements embedded in my copious disjointed notes, but after discussing them I realized they fell apart.  It was really exciting, actually, because it made the story feel more alive.  All this time it's just been ideas that no longer have any value in my head because I have nothing against which to justify them, and hearing them aloud is critical to knowing whether or not they work.  Hearing my ideas spoken to another person is really the only way to find out whether or not they work.  I find myself explaining ideas differently than I do for myself.  Where details might suffice for my own explanation in your head to someone else they may seem flimsy and they instantly red flag themselves.  It's a harsh process and I had to walk into it (or sit into it at a table with many tacos) trusting that Nina wasn't going to laugh at my cockamamie ideas or that they don't fit together.  Yet.  That's what this is for.  

These are the types of puzzles my brain loves.  I'll straighten all of this out, and I have faith in this story.  It's going to be brutal and grizzly, exciting and suspenseful.  At least, I hope it will.  This is my first outing at a feature-length script and the first time I'm employing all the tactics I've read about in the last few months.  Here's my final exam.

Intake mode.

I have a crippling tendency to over-think everything I try to do.  That's how projects I begin take so long for me to complete.  See, most writer's I know don't spend so much time pouring over the little details of what they're trying to say when they start, they just say it.  When it's done you give it to others for revisions, and it's infinitely easier to do when it's all there, mistakes and everything.

So why am I bringing this up?  Because I need accountability.  I still hold to my goal of finishing at least one if not two scripts by the end of August.  Too many ideas, not enough patience and organization, and not enough diligence and doing the simple but sometimes terrifying task of sitting in one place and not getting back up until you've written what you set out to write.

Universe, help me.  I need to get my act together.  I haven't read 'The Secret' but I understand a part of it is putting out there what you want most.  Well, I'm putting it out there again.  I want to finish a script by the end of next month, two really, and I need to get my ass in gear.

I have been reading quite a bit more lately.  I read 'No Country For Old Men' last week and I'd say I enjoyed it just as much as the film, all 20+ times I've seen it.  I'm on the tail end of 'Blood and Money' by Thomas Thompson now.  It's an epic true crime novel chronicling a series of three murders in Texas in the late 60's through the early 70's.  I had never heard of this case before and discovered it after watching 'Zodiac' recently and then reading Roger Ebert's review in which he notes similarities between the two.  At its best I'd say the book is successful at creating a massive mythology for all the key players in the crimes, explaining their backgrounds and histories and depicting all of them, murderer or murdered, as victims of tragic fate.  I've gotten a lot from the book, particularly in terms of structure and how to introduce characters, as well as reminders as to what kinds of details are most effective and which not when telling a story of this genre.

It seems crime and mystery have become my genre of choice, and recently I've found myself combining it with others with which it wouldn't normally mix.  One of my scripts that's due next month is a fantasy of sorts, combining elements of a story like 'All The President's Men' or 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' with something like the fantasy realism of 'District 9', but without aliens and not taking place in Johannesburg, South Africa.  Trust me, you'll see.

I love the feeling that you aren't supposed to be here, that something horrible has happened here in a place that may once have been good.  Like in 'The Silence of the Lambs', which I watched again last night, where you begin to actually feel sorry for Buffalo Bill and his lonely house of horrors, his personality that if it had been met with love and acceptance may not have spawned a murderous alter ego sequestered in his basement.  It's trite, I know, but that's why I love Resident Evil 1, 2, Code Veronica, and 4.  In good mysteries the details are what make it; imagery, dialogue, settings and environments, characters' costumes.  With every mystery I've watched or read recently I keep thinking, "I need to see the one I'm working on.  This one is good but I need to bring mine to life so I can see it."  As this period of absorbing media seems to be coming to an end and leading to the stage of the cycle where I create again.

I've enjoyed my intake mode because I needed to regroup and explore the territory.  I knew after "Podunk" that I needed to learn more not only about how to tell a story but about genres.  To me mystery has the most potential, or, at least it's a genre that to me offers the most functional method to explore characters, events, locations, and tell a story that has the potential to be captivating.  There's a relatable and sympathetic tragedy in mystery and crime when the elements are properly balanced.

Well, that's enough talk for now.  Check this out, it's the Gamecube Resident Evil remake and it's one of the most lushly detailed visual experiences in video games.  I want to live in this mansion some day.  Or maybe just visit.

http://youtu.be/2wzWbkkiDZc

On to writing!

Hodgepodge.

Working a job that keeps odd hours catches up with you eventually.  The last two weeks have been hectic and exciting, though, and have kicked summer off to an energetic start.  I worked as a DP on a Minneapolis 48 Hour Film Fest project called "Driven Together: The Ezra and Ida Story", the trailer for which can be viewed here:

http://vimeo.com/24984062

I'm not entirely certain what the story is or how it all fit together as I wasn't in on the final draft of the script, but what I saw while filming seemed pretty funny.  Friday I was a DP on another video, this time what I believe will be strictly an online commercial for a new mixing board (for dj's).  I'm not sure when it'll be available online, that all depends on when the director finishes editing back in Miami.

Tomorrow it's back to the grind, in a way, a grind I haven't been to in years.  But it'll be great to have the change of pace for a time.  I've been exercising my greatest skills lately, procrastination and over-thinking, with an application I need to finish soon.  I don't have any projects planned for this week so it'll be a great time to finish that once and for all.

Lastly, does anyone have any good book recommendations?  I've started several and haven't been able to find anything that keeps my interest.  

Braille on bathrooms?

Today at work I had the time to consider something that has long vexed me, and what is surely one of the most profoundly idiotic of all human (attempts at an) accommodation: Braille on bathroom doors.  What does this small gesture signify about us as a species?  Do we believe that if a blind person walks into an establishment the sighted would quickly shush themselves and stare, covering their mouths to silence the giggles as this person called out in vain?  And then, after minutes or, God forbid, hours, of desperate tactile searching the poor individual’s seemingly hopeless scouring of the wall would at long last yield the raised symbols of salvation?  What other possible explanation for this bizarre phenomena could there be?  Another potential scenario: perhaps the blind person carries out his/her intended business and then asks for directions to the bathroom.  Does the employee then respond with, “poke around, you’ll find it.  It’s marked.”  Perhaps it’s merely an arrogant reminder to those of us blessed with sight that we do not need help finding the bathroom.  And why isn’t anything else labeled?  Is the bathroom some kind of blind person’s compass rose from which they are expected to orient themselves around the building?  “Let’s see, if the bathroom is there, then the ice cream must be…”  Nowhere near the bathroom, that’s where the fuck the ice cream is, and you deserve better than that.

Insensitive?  Hardly.  I didn’t put Braille on bathrooms.

And the Punk Renaissance continues.

Over the weekend someone posted what was apparently a pirated recording of the red band trailer for David Fincher's 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo'.  In a matter of a day or two the trailer had accrued almost two million hits on youtube, before being removed today for a supposed violation of Sony copyright laws.  But this is too perfect, really, and it reeks of a hoax.  Whether it is or isn't, either way this is, to me, another example of a director who is very much aware of the current media environment and the expanded advertising playground it provides.

I've already ranted and raved about 'The Social Network', and there Fincher came into his own and gave a very long overdue 'fuck you' to the establishment (i.e. the academy that has so long ignored him for being merely an aesthetic director of little substance).  He has become, more than ever, an anti-establishment punk who has finally worked his way up the ladder, subscribed to the prescribed method long enough, to be in a position of power from which he can now freely exercise his anarchistic attitude.  Few others can make biting the hand that feeds you so chic and, well, badass; few others can so succinctly elucidate the milieu of youth today.  And it only took him until his fifties to be able to do it.  Perhaps I'm mapping my own take of his work onto him, but Fincher seems very aware of the fact that he is not of the culture he is examining; he has long outgrown it.  And yet this is how this art works.  The director works for years, maybe decades, to have access to the tools he or she needs to explain what he or she felt important years or decades ago.

I'm not typically a fan of remakes.  In fact, I'm often vehemently opposed to it because I think it typically speaks to a certain reverse imperialism, that not only do we spread out, but everything that comes in must be converted to Americanism as well.  However, here I just can't resist.  'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' was one of the most exhilarating mystery stories I've read in a long time, and seemed to definitively capture some of the best traits of a thriller all in one book.  Seeing Fincher's cinematographic lust for the depraved, violent, and aberrant is too exciting to turn down.

As of the time of this post, the trailer is now once again available here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIV-sWKyFno

Though it will likely follow suit and be taken down within a day or two.  My guess is that even if Fincher and/or Sony/MGM pictures aren't involved in it's guerilla capture style and believably authoritarian intervention and swift removal they wouldn't object to the method of its dissemination.  It's a 'punk' that is simultaneously fortified and evacuated of its definitive meaning (for if the entire process of uploading and removal is contrived then it is truly meaningless), and as long as Fincher understands (and I think he does) that punk is where you find it and to look elsewhere before he's exhausted it here, I think it'll be ok.

Detox.

Two days ago I did something I've been dreaming of doing for four and a half years.  It's long overdue.  I can feel my creativity again, I can feel excitement and fear, and simply, I can feel, and that's such a foreign and beautiful state to be in.

http://youtu.be/HUgwM1Ky228

It's tautological because it is.

It's Saturday and thus far I've amounted to nothing more than doing laundry and watching 'Batman Begins'.  I bought an HD flat screen a couple of months ago along with a fancy Sony Bluray player and part of the joy in it is seeing all my old movies in new clarity (and being that it's a 37" screen, on a considerably larger screen as well).  Adorno would be ashamed of what I have become, and to him I am sorry.

I had great plans to write today.  I have plenty of projects to work on.  My wall calender even said I was going to write today, in my own handwriting and everything, but it has yet to happen.  I go through seemingly unpredictable phases, in a strangely predictable fashion.  I have about five solid story ideas that I'd really love to see through, but I only work on them intermittently.  I pick them up, I read what I've written on them, and I feel a renewed energy towards them for a time.  I talk to friends about them and they get excited.  I get excited.  I go home and write diligently for a short while.  Then I shoot myself in the foot.

I seem to get bored quickly, and it's almost as if the idea and my ability to commit it to page can't keep up with my interest.  I wish I could just snap my fingers and the idea, as fully formed as I see it in my head, would suddenly appear on the page.  Instead I have to trudge my way through writing it, every single word.  At first I savor the experience, treating myself by starting with the most salient and exciting portions.  But then, inevitably it would seem, I grow bored with the tedium that arises in connecting said portions, and the project returns to the bench.  That's no way to be productive.  There has to be a better way to accomplish this goal and satiate this need because the desire to write and create doesn't go away.

This is how ideas have been in my head for years and I have yet to complete them.  There's no excuse really.  I do really enjoy writing, though what I've written above may seem to contradict that.  I love the freedom of it, and yet the challenge of understanding and playing with narrative structure and devices.  I love creating my characters, sculpting out their back stories.  I love creating the context of the story, researching through news articles for factual support or simply excavating my own imagination for a new world.  I love doing it.  Maybe I'm looking for too much recognition and I have to just be cool with writing unbeknownst to most people until I actually have something to show for myself.

To go back, maybe I need to figure out a way to make every single word of the story exciting to write.  Maybe that's where I've failed in the past.  The whole story should hold my interest in writing it because if it doesn't then who's going to find it interesting to read?  You can't have parts that are simply filler because anyone can identify those a mile away.  If a project becomes lackluster maybe that's when I need to ask myself what I found interesting about it in the first place.  Work through the low points, make them exciting.  They have to have a reason, I just have to find it.

My Saturday night just opened up and I no longer have plans to hang out.  Maybe I'll just work my way back into writing and actually get something done.  Really, it's about damn time.

Podunk.

I removed the defective first half of "Podunk" and put up a version with sound.  So, go check it out, and then watch the second half.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofEgN7DB-UU

Podunk

Ok, so.. kind of embarrassing, but it was brought to my attention that much of the video upload does not have audio...  I will try to upload it again both on youtube and Vimeo soon.  I apologize for this inconvenience.  I wish uploading didn't take so long, it would make this process much easier...

Hello everyone,

        Just a post to say that I finally decided to put my short film "Podunk" (2010) online.  You can see it in all its low-budget glory here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEC9XSCYid8

At the time of this post it was still processing so the video quality was poor, but it will hopefully improve.

Thank you to everyone for all the support and encouragement you gave all of us involved in this film throughout production.  It was an incredible experience and we'll do it again soon.  To read more about the completion refer to this post:

http://podunkshortfilm.blogspot.com/2010/10/podunk.html

Enjoy!  I went back to work after finishing this short.  I want my next project to be much, much better.  But for a first time effort, we are all proud.

Thank you again.

It's just Sunday, May 15th.

I spent half the weekend out watching movies with friends and family, the other half in isolation working on my novel.  Amanda Hocking has seriously infected my brain with ideas of potential career-beginning avenues of self-publishing to pursue.  Today I worked on my novel for most of the day in between doing laundry and eating.  I've had a terrible bout of analysis paralysis lately, and over thinking had me wondering if even the ideas I had been excited about in the past few weeks were even worth writing about at all.  I tried the difficult task of beginning the novel at the beginning, and when that didn't work I started from a point shortly after the beginning that was fun to write.  It turned the entire experience around, making it feel easy and fun rather than laborious and tedious.

I didn't write much, but the entire time I felt like I was on a roll, and I left off at a point that again feels easy to pick up and continue rocking with tomorrow when I return to it.  It's an important energy to have when you actually want to go back to the work involved in a project because you're genuinely excited about exploring the story, as though reading it the first time yourself.  As summer gets going there will be a lot of big changes, mainly in the next two months.  I'm not entirely certain how it will all work out but I'm optimistic that it will bring about a change that was necessary and will help to put a close on a chapter of my life life that has needed to end for some time.

Oh, and the photo I uploaded.  That's a paintball gun.  I don't take a lot of pictures of myself so that was one of the first I found.  That image embodies my need for a polemical force in my life.  Or something like that.

So, that's one day of some solid writing down.  More soon...

Oh, the tedium. There must be a better way.

I had printed out every word document pertaining to my current novel, printed it out, and compiled it in a binder.  Then I finally sat down and cut out all the pieces, arranging them by events, characters, and so on until I had structured a makeshift story arch.  What was funny to me was that I had documents from as far back as 2007 and had found throughout that certain events repeated themselves, however vaguely.  It was a sign to me that I had my story...

What do you do when you get stuck?  When it's not quite writer's block but you just haven't gotten what you're looking for yet?  If there's a moment that has a gap, or two events that don't quite connect yet but you know they will eventually, that they have to because you can feel it, how do you keep the ball moving?  My method is just to wait it out.  I usually think of something if I write when it comes to me.  The downer I guess being that you have to wait and that doesn't feel very productive.

Well, not a whole lot to report.  Creative projects are still alive and kicking.  Here's proof (of how crazy I am):

New stories for 2011 are on the way...

"Nobody gives it to ya, you have to take it."

I'm rededicating this blog so that henceforth it will be a space solely devoted to productivity and the advancement of the career I was meant to have, the career I will have: professional writer and director.  I'm putting it out there in the universe that this profession will be mine, that I will not settle for something less than what I want simply because it may provide me with more money in the short term.  I'm going to have what I want or die trying.  It's that serious.

This is no longer a blog with room to look back on what could have or should have been.  This is a blog I will attend to daily and nurture in order to keep my dream alive.  No more belittling or prefacing with, "this may sound silly," this goal to become a writer/director is serious as death.  It is going to happen.  All my insecurities will stand trial on the stand of this blog and they will face heavy scrutiny.

My writing process has always been the same for better or worse, I've just gotten more thorough at how I manage it.  As I work my way into an idea I write down, or now send text messages to myself, ideas as they come to me.  Since I discovered Amanda Hocking and her incredible success I've been locked in to one idea that I've had for years now.  I've compiled all my notes and put them into a three-ring binder.  Everything I need for the architecture of the story is there, I now have to arrange them so I can sort through what I have.  Today I begin that process.

And so it starts.  More soon.

The only way out is through.

Last week while searching for jobs that may or may not pay any better than the one I'm at now, and would most likely not be any more desirable than the position I currently hold, I stumbled upon an inspiration.  Her name is Amanda Hocking, and just over a year ago she was still having little luck achieving a great goal of hers: to publish a book.  She worked a job that paid the bills, however minimally, working as a group home staff member.  She had written diligently day after day, she took the process of completing and revising her book trilogy "Trylle" as seriously as any job.  After finding no viable avenues through which to publish, she decided to publish her books herself by uploading them through an e-reader and making them available to purchase for $0.99 a piece.  According to the multiple online articles that describe her story, she has now made over $2 million from her books in just over a year.  Book publishers have approached her for mass marketing when once they turned her down, and Terri Tatchell, co-writer of 'District 9', has apparently optioned the rights to develop her books into a movie.  Damn.

I put quite a bit of effort into my little movie last year, but after it was done I sat down and acted like a spoiled only child, expecting that everything was just going to start working the way I say it would, just because.  When it didn't I rolled over and played dead, and it's taken me until now to realize that there's no point in that, plain and simple.  Yes, here I am writing about writing, but in some ways I guess I'm trying to kick my own ass (just a little) because I need that.  I have to be the one to say it's never enough, to keep writing well into the night and finish this.  The need, the desire to write and tell the stories in my head will never, ever go away, and if I don't finish them the way I know I need to tell them it will haunt me until the day I die.  Good enough isn't good enough, it simply has to be done.  Now.

I've run for so, so long from what I want because of so many stupid reasons: fear of failure, fear of success, fear it will be too hard, fear I know exactly what I want and how to get it and what to do but can that be possible?  My good friend Kristen called it analysis paralysis, and it has to stop.  A year ago I embarked on "Podunk" and expected that by simply trying the world would line up for me.  Now I see it doesn't work that way.  The world doesn't give a shit who you think you are, you have to prove it.  Well, I have new ideas and new energy.

This is the job I want.  People sacrifice for their careers, whether it be to become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, social worker, teacher, etc.  It's time for me to stop making excuses, stop trying to escape, pin myself down and dig it out of me.  For 2011 I had one goal: to finish at least two projects (script/novel).  One at a time.  At twenty-seven I still have to learn how to finish what I started.  Well, it's about damn time.

Check out Amanda Hocking here:
http://amandahocking.blogspot.com/

and

http://www.amazon.com/Amanda-Hocking/e/B003H4L762/ref=s9_bbs_gw_d0_al2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0N25NKAKF40B1RCA104G&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846

Addendum: to the maybe three people that read this blog, does anyone have any idea how to publish an original story based off of previously published characters...?  This will be critical to two of my projects.

Back from the dead.

It's been so long since I actively used this blog that I was resigned to believe no one read it anymore.  And yet recently people have mentioned it to me, asked me when I'd update and wondering what projects I'm working on.  It's time to get back to work.

The first few months of 2011 have been spent experiencing all sorts of trials and tribulations professionally, both new and old, and experiencing setbacks creatively as a result.  Ultimately I have no one to point a finger at but myself, though I have no intention of engaging in a tangent of self-loathing or chastising.  The first few months of this year have been unproductive enough.

I returned to the challenge embarked upon last spring of trying to make contact with various law enforcement officials for the purposes of research for several scripts.  I had tried to contact the Minneapolis and St. Paul police departments to no avail.  Recently I had gotten close to interviewing officers I connected with through a good friend, but in the end their schedules proved too busy to accommodate.  Fortunately I have recently gotten ahold of a solid official (who shall remain nameless) and who is willing to serve as a technical advisor on my script.

The main challenge I've experienced has been life getting in the way.  Menial tasks I care little for and which provide me with little benefit have consumed all my time and thoughts, allowing me little for what I'm truly passionate about, and my writing took a hit as a result.  But friends and family have proven unwilling to let me throw in the towel even when I'm desperate to quite, and so I've vowed to make more of an effort (or indeed any effort at all...) to compartmentalize my life and accomplish my one and only goal for 2011: produce a finished, polished script.

I've also jumped back into the driver's seat after years of passivity and attempted apathy towards where I am and what I'm doing, and I'm actively working towards an escape plan that will effectively save my life and all I feel I'm supposed to do with it.  The four main script projects I'm juggling right now feel predestined.  I keep hearing articles on NPR or the nightly news that pertain directly to my work to almost a disturbing degree.  I take it as a sign that I absolutely need to finish these projects right now, as soon as possible, before time renders them obsolete.

If you see me slowing down or giving up on all that I have before me to do, please do me a favor: punch me, and remind me to get my ass in gear.

Thank you.

Quodlibetica

Hello.

I've just been informed that an article I wrote about 2010's "Podunk" has been published on the online academic journal Quodlibetica.  Enjoy.

http://www.quodlibetica.com/the-critic-for-the-artist/

It presented a moment for reflection upon all that had happened in that easily definable period of time.  I had stayed so much longer than I ever intended, and now the idea seemed dire rather than optional.  Lives which had once felt endless now showed signs of finitude, and markers once abstract were becoming concrete.

I thought I had to do something and I finally, at long last, see now that I never did.  I could have left just as easily as I entered, and it would have been fine.  It really would have, and that truth felt so tragic and yet so relieving all at once.

The youthful and enchanting voice which had once beckoned from the door way was long gone by now, and the house that had once hinted at aging now felt a fabricated memory, barely a trace left.  There wasn't even time to feel sorrow for the wrong done.  Instead it was simply time to pack up and carry on.

I'm sorry I didn't have faith in you, that I didn't believe you when you asked me to follow and said everything would be fine if I just had faith.  I believe you now, if for no other reason than I am horrified at the sight before me of what can happen if what was never meant to be is left unchecked to grow.

And with that renewed dedication his heart once again was able to cut ties to all that it did not need, and once again the world was full of beauty and possibility.  Indeed, it had never been otherwise, and he rejoiced at his return to the truth.

Molting my environment.

         I remember that cold, noisy apartment fondly, though at the time I had nothing but contempt for it.  At long last I felt at home in a place towards which my soul once harbored such enmity, and then suddenly I was thrust upon the "real world", one void of all the intellectual pursuits I had grown to love and thrive upon, now instead living in exile outside of academia.  If my soul had been able to politely and confidently ask the cacophonous fury of the options before me simply to sit down I would have heard a voice, my voice, clearly speaking, "it's time to leave."  Now, four years later, and I'm back where I started.
         The last four years have not passed without meaning and gravity, without bearing on my life, and as a result ambivalence has supplanted reckless abandon, and I need to get it back.  Much has changed, and yet nothing at all.  For the past several months I've been whittling my life back down to the bear necessities, reacquainting myself with how good it feels to live on the essentials.  I find myself most efficient and effective when I live and interact with my environment with purpose rather than out of indulgent opportunity.  For a time I had tried to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle, finding instead that it quickly led to an internal race.  Comfortable became crippling, and it was time to resuscitate my lean lifestyle.
       I have managed to lay the groundwork for some very important professional skills, and in so doing made myself far more versatile.  I have done what I wanted to do and removed the "aspiring" from my title.  I can bring this anywhere, and so I will.  And so it seems at the end of the debate I find there's really no debate at all.  The same words still stand, and it is indeed time to leave.  This has gone on far too long, and I have so much I have to do.  I have finally learned to be where I am and make something of it, and if that place can no longer offer you anything now, then you must move on.  So to you, current life situation: car, clothes, city, job, weather, etc., enjoy it while it lasts.  The clock is ticking...

Killing time.

I want to go on record right now with the following predictions:

'The Social Network' (2010)
Best Picture of the Year
Best Director - David Fincher
Best Adapted Screenplay - Aaron Sorkin
Best Actor - Jesse Eisenberg
Best Supporting Actor - Justin Timberlake or Andrew Garfield (Jeremy Renner of 'The Town' deserves a nod)
Best Original Score - Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross
Best Cinematography - Jeff Cronenweth (Sorry Roger Deakins.  You're awesome, but not this year.)
Best Actress - Natalie Portman, 'Black Swan'

If I'm wrong I'll buy you a shake.  But I won't be.  Unless this is another 'Slumdog Millionaire' year in which a really crappy movie wins completely undeserved awards.

More serious fair in a forthcoming blog.  The winter doldrums have led to stifled creativity, writer's block, and more time spent on refining skills rather than employing them.

UPDATE:  Kudos to Aaron Sorkin for being a class act and distinguishing between Mark Zuckerberg the character in "The Social Network" and the actual Mark Zuckerberg.  Also, yes, I was wrong on supporting actor and apparently The Golden Globes don't award for technical achievements, but four major awards (Best Picture, Director, Screenplay, and Original Score) is still pretty great.  Colin Firth for "The King's Speech" was a surprise ( mainly cause I'd never seen it).  I'm satisfied.  Onwards to the Oscars.