And the Punk Renaissance continues.

Over the weekend someone posted what was apparently a pirated recording of the red band trailer for David Fincher's 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo'.  In a matter of a day or two the trailer had accrued almost two million hits on youtube, before being removed today for a supposed violation of Sony copyright laws.  But this is too perfect, really, and it reeks of a hoax.  Whether it is or isn't, either way this is, to me, another example of a director who is very much aware of the current media environment and the expanded advertising playground it provides.

I've already ranted and raved about 'The Social Network', and there Fincher came into his own and gave a very long overdue 'fuck you' to the establishment (i.e. the academy that has so long ignored him for being merely an aesthetic director of little substance).  He has become, more than ever, an anti-establishment punk who has finally worked his way up the ladder, subscribed to the prescribed method long enough, to be in a position of power from which he can now freely exercise his anarchistic attitude.  Few others can make biting the hand that feeds you so chic and, well, badass; few others can so succinctly elucidate the milieu of youth today.  And it only took him until his fifties to be able to do it.  Perhaps I'm mapping my own take of his work onto him, but Fincher seems very aware of the fact that he is not of the culture he is examining; he has long outgrown it.  And yet this is how this art works.  The director works for years, maybe decades, to have access to the tools he or she needs to explain what he or she felt important years or decades ago.

I'm not typically a fan of remakes.  In fact, I'm often vehemently opposed to it because I think it typically speaks to a certain reverse imperialism, that not only do we spread out, but everything that comes in must be converted to Americanism as well.  However, here I just can't resist.  'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' was one of the most exhilarating mystery stories I've read in a long time, and seemed to definitively capture some of the best traits of a thriller all in one book.  Seeing Fincher's cinematographic lust for the depraved, violent, and aberrant is too exciting to turn down.

As of the time of this post, the trailer is now once again available here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIV-sWKyFno

Though it will likely follow suit and be taken down within a day or two.  My guess is that even if Fincher and/or Sony/MGM pictures aren't involved in it's guerilla capture style and believably authoritarian intervention and swift removal they wouldn't object to the method of its dissemination.  It's a 'punk' that is simultaneously fortified and evacuated of its definitive meaning (for if the entire process of uploading and removal is contrived then it is truly meaningless), and as long as Fincher understands (and I think he does) that punk is where you find it and to look elsewhere before he's exhausted it here, I think it'll be ok.

Detox.

Two days ago I did something I've been dreaming of doing for four and a half years.  It's long overdue.  I can feel my creativity again, I can feel excitement and fear, and simply, I can feel, and that's such a foreign and beautiful state to be in.

http://youtu.be/HUgwM1Ky228

It's tautological because it is.

It's Saturday and thus far I've amounted to nothing more than doing laundry and watching 'Batman Begins'.  I bought an HD flat screen a couple of months ago along with a fancy Sony Bluray player and part of the joy in it is seeing all my old movies in new clarity (and being that it's a 37" screen, on a considerably larger screen as well).  Adorno would be ashamed of what I have become, and to him I am sorry.

I had great plans to write today.  I have plenty of projects to work on.  My wall calender even said I was going to write today, in my own handwriting and everything, but it has yet to happen.  I go through seemingly unpredictable phases, in a strangely predictable fashion.  I have about five solid story ideas that I'd really love to see through, but I only work on them intermittently.  I pick them up, I read what I've written on them, and I feel a renewed energy towards them for a time.  I talk to friends about them and they get excited.  I get excited.  I go home and write diligently for a short while.  Then I shoot myself in the foot.

I seem to get bored quickly, and it's almost as if the idea and my ability to commit it to page can't keep up with my interest.  I wish I could just snap my fingers and the idea, as fully formed as I see it in my head, would suddenly appear on the page.  Instead I have to trudge my way through writing it, every single word.  At first I savor the experience, treating myself by starting with the most salient and exciting portions.  But then, inevitably it would seem, I grow bored with the tedium that arises in connecting said portions, and the project returns to the bench.  That's no way to be productive.  There has to be a better way to accomplish this goal and satiate this need because the desire to write and create doesn't go away.

This is how ideas have been in my head for years and I have yet to complete them.  There's no excuse really.  I do really enjoy writing, though what I've written above may seem to contradict that.  I love the freedom of it, and yet the challenge of understanding and playing with narrative structure and devices.  I love creating my characters, sculpting out their back stories.  I love creating the context of the story, researching through news articles for factual support or simply excavating my own imagination for a new world.  I love doing it.  Maybe I'm looking for too much recognition and I have to just be cool with writing unbeknownst to most people until I actually have something to show for myself.

To go back, maybe I need to figure out a way to make every single word of the story exciting to write.  Maybe that's where I've failed in the past.  The whole story should hold my interest in writing it because if it doesn't then who's going to find it interesting to read?  You can't have parts that are simply filler because anyone can identify those a mile away.  If a project becomes lackluster maybe that's when I need to ask myself what I found interesting about it in the first place.  Work through the low points, make them exciting.  They have to have a reason, I just have to find it.

My Saturday night just opened up and I no longer have plans to hang out.  Maybe I'll just work my way back into writing and actually get something done.  Really, it's about damn time.

Podunk.

I removed the defective first half of "Podunk" and put up a version with sound.  So, go check it out, and then watch the second half.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofEgN7DB-UU

Podunk

Ok, so.. kind of embarrassing, but it was brought to my attention that much of the video upload does not have audio...  I will try to upload it again both on youtube and Vimeo soon.  I apologize for this inconvenience.  I wish uploading didn't take so long, it would make this process much easier...

Hello everyone,

        Just a post to say that I finally decided to put my short film "Podunk" (2010) online.  You can see it in all its low-budget glory here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEC9XSCYid8

At the time of this post it was still processing so the video quality was poor, but it will hopefully improve.

Thank you to everyone for all the support and encouragement you gave all of us involved in this film throughout production.  It was an incredible experience and we'll do it again soon.  To read more about the completion refer to this post:

http://podunkshortfilm.blogspot.com/2010/10/podunk.html

Enjoy!  I went back to work after finishing this short.  I want my next project to be much, much better.  But for a first time effort, we are all proud.

Thank you again.

It's just Sunday, May 15th.

I spent half the weekend out watching movies with friends and family, the other half in isolation working on my novel.  Amanda Hocking has seriously infected my brain with ideas of potential career-beginning avenues of self-publishing to pursue.  Today I worked on my novel for most of the day in between doing laundry and eating.  I've had a terrible bout of analysis paralysis lately, and over thinking had me wondering if even the ideas I had been excited about in the past few weeks were even worth writing about at all.  I tried the difficult task of beginning the novel at the beginning, and when that didn't work I started from a point shortly after the beginning that was fun to write.  It turned the entire experience around, making it feel easy and fun rather than laborious and tedious.

I didn't write much, but the entire time I felt like I was on a roll, and I left off at a point that again feels easy to pick up and continue rocking with tomorrow when I return to it.  It's an important energy to have when you actually want to go back to the work involved in a project because you're genuinely excited about exploring the story, as though reading it the first time yourself.  As summer gets going there will be a lot of big changes, mainly in the next two months.  I'm not entirely certain how it will all work out but I'm optimistic that it will bring about a change that was necessary and will help to put a close on a chapter of my life life that has needed to end for some time.

Oh, and the photo I uploaded.  That's a paintball gun.  I don't take a lot of pictures of myself so that was one of the first I found.  That image embodies my need for a polemical force in my life.  Or something like that.

So, that's one day of some solid writing down.  More soon...

Oh, the tedium. There must be a better way.

I had printed out every word document pertaining to my current novel, printed it out, and compiled it in a binder.  Then I finally sat down and cut out all the pieces, arranging them by events, characters, and so on until I had structured a makeshift story arch.  What was funny to me was that I had documents from as far back as 2007 and had found throughout that certain events repeated themselves, however vaguely.  It was a sign to me that I had my story...

What do you do when you get stuck?  When it's not quite writer's block but you just haven't gotten what you're looking for yet?  If there's a moment that has a gap, or two events that don't quite connect yet but you know they will eventually, that they have to because you can feel it, how do you keep the ball moving?  My method is just to wait it out.  I usually think of something if I write when it comes to me.  The downer I guess being that you have to wait and that doesn't feel very productive.

Well, not a whole lot to report.  Creative projects are still alive and kicking.  Here's proof (of how crazy I am):

New stories for 2011 are on the way...

"Nobody gives it to ya, you have to take it."

I'm rededicating this blog so that henceforth it will be a space solely devoted to productivity and the advancement of the career I was meant to have, the career I will have: professional writer and director.  I'm putting it out there in the universe that this profession will be mine, that I will not settle for something less than what I want simply because it may provide me with more money in the short term.  I'm going to have what I want or die trying.  It's that serious.

This is no longer a blog with room to look back on what could have or should have been.  This is a blog I will attend to daily and nurture in order to keep my dream alive.  No more belittling or prefacing with, "this may sound silly," this goal to become a writer/director is serious as death.  It is going to happen.  All my insecurities will stand trial on the stand of this blog and they will face heavy scrutiny.

My writing process has always been the same for better or worse, I've just gotten more thorough at how I manage it.  As I work my way into an idea I write down, or now send text messages to myself, ideas as they come to me.  Since I discovered Amanda Hocking and her incredible success I've been locked in to one idea that I've had for years now.  I've compiled all my notes and put them into a three-ring binder.  Everything I need for the architecture of the story is there, I now have to arrange them so I can sort through what I have.  Today I begin that process.

And so it starts.  More soon.

The only way out is through.

Last week while searching for jobs that may or may not pay any better than the one I'm at now, and would most likely not be any more desirable than the position I currently hold, I stumbled upon an inspiration.  Her name is Amanda Hocking, and just over a year ago she was still having little luck achieving a great goal of hers: to publish a book.  She worked a job that paid the bills, however minimally, working as a group home staff member.  She had written diligently day after day, she took the process of completing and revising her book trilogy "Trylle" as seriously as any job.  After finding no viable avenues through which to publish, she decided to publish her books herself by uploading them through an e-reader and making them available to purchase for $0.99 a piece.  According to the multiple online articles that describe her story, she has now made over $2 million from her books in just over a year.  Book publishers have approached her for mass marketing when once they turned her down, and Terri Tatchell, co-writer of 'District 9', has apparently optioned the rights to develop her books into a movie.  Damn.

I put quite a bit of effort into my little movie last year, but after it was done I sat down and acted like a spoiled only child, expecting that everything was just going to start working the way I say it would, just because.  When it didn't I rolled over and played dead, and it's taken me until now to realize that there's no point in that, plain and simple.  Yes, here I am writing about writing, but in some ways I guess I'm trying to kick my own ass (just a little) because I need that.  I have to be the one to say it's never enough, to keep writing well into the night and finish this.  The need, the desire to write and tell the stories in my head will never, ever go away, and if I don't finish them the way I know I need to tell them it will haunt me until the day I die.  Good enough isn't good enough, it simply has to be done.  Now.

I've run for so, so long from what I want because of so many stupid reasons: fear of failure, fear of success, fear it will be too hard, fear I know exactly what I want and how to get it and what to do but can that be possible?  My good friend Kristen called it analysis paralysis, and it has to stop.  A year ago I embarked on "Podunk" and expected that by simply trying the world would line up for me.  Now I see it doesn't work that way.  The world doesn't give a shit who you think you are, you have to prove it.  Well, I have new ideas and new energy.

This is the job I want.  People sacrifice for their careers, whether it be to become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, social worker, teacher, etc.  It's time for me to stop making excuses, stop trying to escape, pin myself down and dig it out of me.  For 2011 I had one goal: to finish at least two projects (script/novel).  One at a time.  At twenty-seven I still have to learn how to finish what I started.  Well, it's about damn time.

Check out Amanda Hocking here:
http://amandahocking.blogspot.com/

and

http://www.amazon.com/Amanda-Hocking/e/B003H4L762/ref=s9_bbs_gw_d0_al2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0N25NKAKF40B1RCA104G&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846

Addendum: to the maybe three people that read this blog, does anyone have any idea how to publish an original story based off of previously published characters...?  This will be critical to two of my projects.